My brain function is so different now.

15 11 2016

I have been on here reading and find it difficult to remember what it felt like to shift between thought processing areas. My brain has been quiet for years now. I don’t feel out of control or like any part of me is separate. I am whole; complete, functioning, and capable of doing anything I wish in my life.

I am not on any medication. I don’t self medicate and have no problems motivating myself to do what I need to. I have had a membership in a fitness center 35 minutes from my home for a whole year now. I will never be a jock, but I do work out consistently 4 days a week for 40 minutes a day.

I have normal fears. I don’t like climbing ladders. I make sure it’s secure and then I just climb them by shutting down the thought that there is a reason to fear it.

I always have some project in process of being completed but have many completed projects behind them. While things can and do delay some of them, I do complete most things I start eventually.

I read things other than facebook. I am teaching myself to play piano and learning to code. While I have a tight time schedule most days, I still find a bit of time every day to practice those skills.

I am going on three years in a close monogamous relationship. We are friends, and partners and lovers. I am usually able to tell him when I have needs that are not being met with words, spoken face to face in a calm voice and he does the same.

He is successful, mature and supportive and doesn’t hold me back from what I want to do or try to control me. I try to meet his needs and do the same for him. We make a good team.

Our home is moderately messy. There are always clean dishes and clothes but they are never completely done. If most people walked in the door I would be comfortable with having company any time, but there are times I would prefer it to be cleaner.

I am able to go out into the world and function alone without battling fear. Wow, when did that happen? I shop at normal stores, during normal business hours and don’t even question it. That would have been impossible for me just a few years ago.

To me this is what healthy looks like. My life is manageable. I am free to live without crippling fear or overwhelming self management problems. I am grateful. I pray that anyone searching for this in their own life, finds it.

It is worth having and worth all the work it took to get here.

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